Showing posts with label meltdown. Show all posts
Showing posts with label meltdown. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

CAN WE SAY "NERVOUS BREAKDOWN"?


Oh the drama. Rocky went missing last Sunday night. I went to put everyone to bed around 11:30 and couldn't find him anywhere. Ended up waking up hubby and we both began to tear the house apart searching for him. He was nowhere in the house. We thought back and realized I'd seen him last around 8:30 when he was helping me do the dishes and we played a bit in his pirate ship. I expected after that, he went to snooze in the Hidey Hole or his hammock under our bed.

Hubby remembers coming in about that time and opening the door that leads to our garage. Our garage door was also open. Could he have slipped out then?

We were out looking for him at 2 AM and I was hanging up "Lost Ferret" signs and posting on craigslist at 3 AM. I was in shock, felt like I was going to pass out, throw up - the whole bit. Harsh words between hubby and I added to the already nightmarish situation (we were both really scared).

I didn't really sleep; laid there, dreaming half-awake. Later on, Monday morning, I thought I'd just dreamed I'd lost him. But then the cruel realization hit me that it was indeed so. No Rocky came trotting in the kitchen to beg for treats. No Rocky running in-between my feet trying to trip me. No Rocky.

I was in total shut-down, sobbing hysterically all day Monday. I had a false alarm when someone posted on craigslist that they'd rescued a ferret the same night I lost Rocky. I contacted her, and it wasn't anywhere near where I live -- it wasn't my baby.

I was freaking out because of the heat and the dogs and the fact that little ferrets can't survive long on their own in this big world. I wondered if he missed me as much as I missed him. I put out a carrier, food, water and Ferratone for him. I even put ferret poo in the garden, praying he'd catch the scent and come back.

In the evening on Monday, my husband, son and I went out looking again. I was headed toward some bushes at a house when I looked up and noticed a car that pulled up to one of my signs. The lady was dialing her cell phone. I ran up to her car. "Did you find a ferret?," I asked. "Yes, I did", she said and she pointed to Rocky's picture and said, "That's him!"

Needless to say I about peed myself and jumped in her car (no pee in her car) and she took me to her house, which was about five houses down and across the street. There was Rocky, hiding under her shed. She noticed him peeking out at her while she was mowing.

He was a bit dirty, tired, hungry and thirsty and scared. Otherwise, unharmed. I am soooo grateful. I really didn't think we'd ever find him. It's so hot, no one is outside. He would have been so easy to miss.

I had prayers and postive, loving wishes from people all over the world. It is all of that outpouring of love that helped bring Rocky home to me. I believe that with all my heart. I am just overwhelmed with the power behind all of the energy that went out to us. Thank you, a million times over.

As for the lady who found my guy, her name is Rachael and was very sweet and (hopefully) didn't think I was too much of a lunatic. She got a reward of my undying gratitude and $ 100. And now Rocky owes me $ 100. LOL!

It is so good to have my Mamoo back home again!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

MELTDOWNS BECOMING MORE COMMON

It's been a very emotional day. I got up this morning to find Cupid with poo all over him. He'd made it to the potty pad, but was too tired to get up, so he must've laid in it. So I had to give him a wash under the sink. He's getting a little congested now, and one side of his nose is irritated. I've been putting A & D Ointment on it.

I mentioned to Keith that perhaps it's time to think about putting him down. He disagrees with me on that. It's not that we got into a fight, but lots of feelings were coming up and it was very tense and there were a lot of tears and words. I was an hour late to work ~ came in with smeared makeup and swollen eyes from sobbing so much. I felt like such a bad guy, bringing it up. Like I was being heartless. But, no, that wasn't it at all. I'm not being heartless, I'm being heartbroken.

(I'm not feeling much empathy here at work- just from one person. Everyone else is just avoiding me. The don't get it and I guess I'm some kind of nut-so in their mind. I don't care, really.....well...maybe I do....)

Keith told me, "Look, you wanted a ferret. Now we have six. You are going to have to learn to deal with this part of having them, too!" And I said, "I am learning to deal with it! I've been learning since he got sick!" Geeze. It was just too intense; I am physically and mentally exhausted. I'm sure Keith is, as well.

I mean, everything is OK. We have diffferent ideas about what might be best for Cupid, that's all. Neither is wrong or right. We both love him dearly and want what's best for him. Bottom line, we won't put him down. He will stay with us for as long as he stays. The decision may change, depending on what happens.

Anyway, that's it. Better get myself back to work...

Monday, April 20, 2009

BUTTERFLY COCOONS AND SPRING FLOWERS


Another meltdown on Saturday evening. Cupid is being braver than me. Now we are having to go to the "second level" of syringe feeding. Just a couple of days ago, Sensei was freely taking his soup from the syringe and I even teased him that he was getting spoiled. Now I have to push the food. Dana taught me how to do it and it isn't a cruel process or anything. It's just that I have to scruff him and put him in a football hold. It's me, being more of an assertive, "Eat-Your-Meat-Or-You-Can't-Have-Any-Pudding" ferret mom. He's taken in one and 3/4 of a syringe so far today (about 20 cc's), so that's good.

He's back to not drinking water on his own, either, so I'm having to give him Pedialyte and water with a dropper. He's so weak, he can barely get himself to his potty pad.

We are trying to make his life as comfortable as possible. He gets gentle hold times and walks (we walk, he gets carried) outside to see the Spring flowers and butterfly cocoons. We talk to him and tell him it's OK for him to go. I sense that he is being pulled between two worlds, now. I imagine that he dreams of the Rainbow Bridge.
When I hold him to feed him, Cupid and I are face-to-face. His little eyes, dark ruby, are filled with soulfulness. There is definitely a connection. He has the longest canines I've ever seen in a ferret. The tip of one of them broke off the first week I had him! This gives him character, I think.
Today I took Cupid's footprints and I think he was afraid I was trying to poke him for a glucose! I'm sure he thought I was crazy...

In other ferret news:
Whoo Hoo! We went outside this morning - a beautiful day - and played in the playpen (they played, I watched). Rocky's coat continues to change and he now has this awesome stripe-thing on the base of his tail. Must get a pic.
I went to the rescue yesterday and took some photos of a calendar I'm going to put together to help raise money. I always love going there! There are ferret fanatics (like me), and I am learing so much from them. Of course, there are lots of adorable ferrets to love on! Always, when I get home, my guys sniff me and look at me like, "Mommy! Were you cheatin' on us??!!"
One of my guys got into my mom's purse last night and stole her sunglasses. She thought that was great!

Blogging makes me sleepy. Time to go do Duck Soup. More to come....


Tuesday, March 24, 2009

MELTDOWN - PART TWO

I cried myself to sleep last night and I went to work today feeling incredibly bummed out. Cupid ate very little this morning and he went flat a couple of times before retreating into the community hammock under the bed.

I mentioned to a coworker/friend that I was having a hard time and was feeling useless today. Her only response was, "Ooohhh. And we are really busy today." No empathy or sympathy. No, "I'm so sorry" or a small hug. Just, "we're really busy".

Another coworker made the remark (and this one just blew my mind) that "perhaps I should take Cupid back to the lady (meaning the rescue) I got him from". What??????? Really?????

I don't expect anyone to get it. I'd just appreciate a little kindness around this thing. Shit. Just because Cupid is a ferret and not a dog or cat, people think I'm a freak.

Anyway, he is going to the vet tomorrow. I have an appointment for April 13, but I don't think I should wait. He needs to be looked at, pronto. Hopefully, it's not too late to help him. I did some research again today and I am certain he has a cardiomyopathy. Insulinoma, at this point, is the least of my little buddy's problems. I know they can give meds for heart issues in ferrets. It doesn't reverse anything, but at least they feel better. It's all I can hope for.

Monday, March 23, 2009

MELTDOWN

It's midnight. I won't be able to sleep until I put this down. I think it won't be much longer until Cupid goes. He seems worse to me tonight. I get the sense that he is just so tired of fighting. And here I am, doing everything to keep him alive....
How far do I take it?.....I don't know.
Before I put him in his cage tonight I held him and told him it's OK...OK for him to go...that I love him and I will always love him.

It's tearing me apart -- I feel so sad and helpless.

Maybe I'm wrong....God, I hope I'm wrong. But it's a strong feeling.
 

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