FUNERAL FOR A FERRET

Today was the day we buried Cupid. For me, it was a beautiful closure and goodbye ritual for my friend. Keith made a lovely spot in our front garden. We bought this solar glass sphere that lights up at night. It's really cool ~ it changes colors and looks very happy in the garden next to Cupid.

This has been so painful for us and it's been very hard on Keith. I knew he loved Cupid, but I guess I didn't realize how much. He's crushed. And that, in itself, has been a heartbreak for me.

More drama: I came home on Saturday and found little baby Milo with his left eye all gooey and mated and swollen shut. It wasn't that way in the morning when I left for work, so whatever it is, it came on during the day Saturday. I cleaned his eye with warm water and held a warm teabag on it for a minute. (Oh, he loved that, let me tell ya) Luckily, I had some Trioptic-S oinment leftover from a time when Cupid had an eye irritation. Good ole Cupid, he saved the day. The teabag helped the swelling and the Trioptic seems to be taking care of the infection, but we may see if he can get into the vet tomorrow, just to be safe.

Made a big order at Ferret Depot and Totally Ferret today. Hopefully, it will last a month or a little more. Yippee, I got an extension set for the playpen, so there will be more rumble room!

TEARS IN HEAVEN

So, this morning at about 4 am, Cupid McPoo crossed over the Bridge. He was approximately 6 1/2 years old. Cupid began breathing very laboriously during the evening and it steadily progressed into the night and early morning. Keith and I sat up with him. We talked to him, we held him. I sang to him. We put him in a soft pet bed and petted him.

We put him in his little bed in our bed between us. I remember looking at the clock and it was close to 3:30 am. I must have dozed off for a few minutes. When I opened my eyes, he was gone. He was still very warm, so I know it had only been minutes.

We've cried and cried. My head tells me he is OK now, and running and playing. My heart aches. I miss him. He was such a beautiful friend.

I called off from work and stayed home. I cleaned the cages and gathered up Cupid's things: his favorite blanket, a grass ball, a ping pong ball, a sock, his spoon, his toothbrush. I snipped some of his hair (he had a beautiful white and apricot coat) and I snipped some of my hair to bury with him. Before he died, I'd taken his paw prints. Anyway, all of his stuff is gathered together. I picked some flowers from our garden and made an arrangement and put it next to his stuff. And I've been burning a small candle.

Perhaps to some, that's goofy. But to me, it's not enough.

The other ferrets have been a bit quiet today. Their play has been subdued. Last night, as Cupid was laying in his bed, they came up and sniffed him, sneezed and went away. It was strange. They played around him. They seen to have accepted his passing so far. Dave is the one I need to watch, since he and Cupid have always been together.

But so far? Dave has comforted me. They all have.

So long, Sensei. Fly high little ferret. I love you.

I can't write anymore right now.

GENERALALITIES

That Dave. He's such a Duck Soup addict. I feed all my guys DS every night. I hold each one individually in my lap and they eat their soup while I pet them and talk to them. This gives me a little bit of time with each ferret, plus I can do little "inspections" to make sure they don't have any lumps or bumps. Dave just loves it. Sometimes he waits for me in the chair (too cute). After he eats, he stays in my lap and cleans his face and feet and stretches. It always brings me out of whatever is distracting me.

Sometimes George hangs around in my lap a few minutes, too; the rest of the guys can't wait to jump back down (they still have to give me a 'lovie' first, though, that's the rule).

Every now and then I put the bowl of Cupid's leftovers (what didn't get pulled into his syringe) on the floor. Dave gets it every time! He may be blind, but he can sniff out a bowl of Duck Soup. I don't mind at all ~ it's very good for them.

I'm thinking of trying real chicken in the place of the chicken baby food I use, just to see how the like it. I tried offering raw beef a few days ago, which didn't go over too well, haha, but perhaps boiled chicken in the DS will be acceptable. :?

Cupid is still with us. Still bad, no real change. One of his little eyes was all gooey today when I got home from work. His nose was a little crusty, too. I got a syringe of soup and a bit of water down him. My poor baby.

Last night, Keith put Cupid in a little bed and put him on the floor next to his side of the bed ((so sweet)). Cupid slept there until about 4 am, when I woke up cough, cough, coughing....So I got up and put Cupid back in his cage.

I am sleep deprived, but I don't care. It's worth it.

LOVE IS LIKE OXYGEN

(LEFT) Cupid "Bones" McPoo relaxes in the new kitty bed. (BELOW) Cupid and Dave "Frijole" Bear discuss the Power of Positive
Thinking.

Every day when I come home from work, every morning when I wake up, I wonder, "Is this the day? Is this the day our Cupid will cross the Bridge?" It feels awful to have that thought hovering in the back of my mind, but I don't deny it's there. He's just hanging on and I also wonder if he is suffering greatly? He doesn't appear to be in any kind of pain. But he is very weak and walking is so difficult now. He's losing interest in his food and I refuse to scruff him and force it down. When he pushes away, I try once or twice more and then we are done.

Even giving him his meds is getting more difficult. He won't open his mouth for me. Sometimes I pray that he will just go to sleep and pass peacefully ~ and put him in a happier place where his little spirit can run and dance again. This is no life for him. And as painful as it is for me to say it, I have to let go of what I want and think of Cupid.

He just looks so sad. And that breaks my heart, too. No one can fix it.

Tonight my husband fashioned a little oxygen tent and pumped some oxygen to Cupid. It was a bittersweet attempt to do something to help him feel better. It amused Cupid for a moment, but didn't do much else. (Of course, Milo thought it was the coolest thing ever!)

As I'm writing this I hear one of the guys (not sure who it is, because they are sleeping under our bed) is crying in his sleep. I got up and reached my hand in and petted whoever is under there and spoke quietly to him...the crying stopped.

Oh, man. As hard and ievitable as this has been, I am not prepared. My own grief, Keith's grief and the grief of Cupid's friends hangs thick.

BABY FERRET EARS

An odd thing: Milo is only five months old, but he seems bigger than my adult guys. I remember Ziggy being a big guy, too. When he turned a year old, the baby fat melted away and, suddenly, he became just a regular size ferret ! Milo hasn't grown into his ears or feet yet. He really looks like a mouse! He is so adorable !!

New nickname for Dave: Frijole

Cupid is getting to the point where he can barely walk. He's so weak. He only ate 1/2 of his syringe earlier and refused Ferretone (a sure sign something is wrong).

I need to go feed him again. My eyes are so heavy....took some wicked cough syrup!! :)

THE WAITING GAME

My days are packed lately, and I haven't had a chance to write. I'm taking care of Cupid and trying to take care of my own body, which is still not feeling too smurfy due to some asthma issues.

We went to the vet yesterday and she determined that Cupid has cardiomyopathy and insulinoma which is not being controlled by the prednisone. She increased the dose of pred from .2 cc to .25 cc 2x/day. We took him off the Carafate, because it hasn't helped his teeth grinding. He is not a good candidate for insulinoma surgery, so basically, we wait. There is nothing more to do. I'm adding Carnivore Care and Totally Ferret Complete Nutrition, alternating these in his Duck Soup feedings.

He has continued to lose weight. Dr. Dori explained that it is due to the heart disease. It's just using up all of his calories. It's horrific how thin he is. He is just sleeping. Walking is getting difficult for him -- he is so weak and stumbles when he walks. He can't make it across the living room floor before laying down.

I also took Ziggy to the vet with Cupid yesterday, because he was due for his annual distemper shot. Well. He had a bad reaction. He started throwing up and he zoned out. Dr. Dori had to give him a shot of Benadryl and a cortisone shot. That was scarey. Now he will have to be pre-medicated every time.

I'm hearing the pitter-patter of little ferret feet as I type. I look down and George is checking out my humidifier. He is beautiful! His summer coat is almost in and he is almost all black, except for his white markings. And shiney!!! Need to get a good pic of him, for sure.

Feeling: sad, ill, tired

IT BE MAH BURTHDAYZ!

Rocky (looking at camera) and Ziggy in the new playpen

Rocky, Ziggy and Milo play in the new playpen

(video camera works great in the sun!!)

Today is Rocky's second birthday! He got a new playpen so he and the others can enjoy these pretty days we've been having. I found it at Petco. It was the only one they had and it was out of the box, so they gave me 20% off! Score! It needs some expansion panels, but I'll order those later. They had fun digging and exploring, but when they wanted out, it was pretty clear...(look at Rocky jumping -- he totally cracked me up!)

O tay, we wantz out now...

CUPID UPDATE:

Well, he's about the same, really. He goes back to see Dr. Dori this coming Monday to be rechecked. I'm going to increasing his feedings again, because he's not eating enough kibble in between his duck soup and he is way too thin. That is, if he ever trusts me again with the syringe...

This morning I was feeding him and the syringe was tight. I pushed on the plunger too hard and it gave, squirting half of the food into poor Cupid's mouth all at once. Needless to say, the poor thing choked and gagged and I had a heart attack. No words describe how horrible I feel about that. I'm such an idiot. I'm very concerned about his aspirating some of the food. In fact I called my friend and ferret expert, Jimi, and she told me what to watch out for (coughing, rattling in the lungs, fever). So far, he seems OK. I think we both were just very traumatized.

I got another call from a ferret friend, Noni, who works at Dr. Dori's office and also is very knowledgable about ferrets. She also eased my mind and assured me he is probably just fine.

Oh, man, I'm glad I have these people in my life. They know how to talk me down from a hysteria...Thanks Jimi and Noni! You rock!

Now, here is what I learned: Syringes get sticky after a couple of uses. Coat the rubber tip on the plunger and the inside of the syringe with a little of the soup to keep it moving freely.

Poor, poor Cupid. Like he didn't have enough trouble without me trying to kill him....

Well, I'm home from work because I have a kind of asthma called Reactive Airway Disease. I'm coughing my lungs up. I'm sooooo tired, because I can't get a full night's sleep...

LUMPS AND PSYCHICS

It has been a long week. I'm fighting a bug and am worn out. Little Cupid had a couple of "good" days and now he's not-so-good. I'm trying to get used to that and not freak out every time he's feeling bad. But it's really hard.

Yesterday I was scratching his tummy and felt a large lump on his left side. There's no sense in rushing him to Dr. Dori, though. He has an appointment one week from this Monday and she'll be repeating his x-rays then. Honestly, I'm preparing myself for the worst.

This is a weird thing, but sometimes I wish I could take Cupid to a pet psychic. He's always been such a serious and rather sad little dude. I'd like to know what is in his head. And I want him to know how deeply he is loved. Alas, we don't have the money to spend on such a thing! Guess I'll have to depend on my own intuition....

I need sleep....

HAVE YOU HUGGED YOUR WEASEL TODAY?

The fuzzies are kind of quiet tonight. I went and got Cupid and told him I wanted to hold him for a minute. Gave him some Ferretone so he'd linger in my lap. It lasted two minutes, perhaps, before he wiggled to get down. He's never been real big on being held, but he's become even more crabby about it since he got sick. Well. He gets lovies whether he wants them or not!

Dave wouldn't have any of Cupid's grouchiness tonight. He found Cupid, woke him up and pushed him out of his bed. Then Dave proceeded to "pounce" Cupid, inviting him to play. (Pouncing in Dave and Cupid's case is more like slowly climbing, but their intention is that of pouncing). Cupid ignored Dave. Dave pounced (climbed) on Cupid again. Cupid ignored. Finally Dave lets out this big, loud, "KECK! KECK!" Cupid went into the Hidey Hole.

And that was that.

Tomorrow is National Ferret Day! Hug a Weasel ! We (some members of the Ferret Association) were in the Houston Chronicle's Lifestyle section today with a very nice little article about ferrets. Also, on the Chronicle's website, is a photo gallery with some pictures. I was all excited and was showing some people at work. One lady said she thought I needed help because I'm "obsessed". Ugh. Whatever.


Several people have notified us that they need to find a new home for their ferrets. The rescue isn't taking anymore in right now (temporarily), so it's hard to know what to tell these folks. I keep telling hy husband that I'm very serious about starting a rescue. He's OK with it for a future goal, but now isn't the time. I thought of approaching the people that are doing the rescue I'm volunteering for and seeing if we could work together and expand the current one. We both live on the north side of Houston, but on opposite ends...so we could cover a broader area. We'd still be raising funds for just one rescue, instead of two separate ones. Don't know what anyone else would think about it ~ just an idea I've had.

Anyway, here's good link if you'd like some ideas on how to help out your local rescue:

http://www.sjferret.com/100ways.html



My ferret rescued me....

(photo: George)

CUPID HELPS WITH THE DISHES

So I took Cupid to see Dr. Dori on Wednesday evening. She spent a lot of time examining him. She told me his lungs sound great, but his spleen is enlarged and hard in one spot. Dr. Dori said it is common to see enlarged and hard spleens in ferrets ~ no one really knows why ~ so it may or may not mean something.

He's lost weight, which I was aware of. His glucose was 71. Dr. Dori still wants to wait until April 13 to repeat Cupid's x-rays. She thought maybe he was having some side effcts to the Lasix, so we reduced the dosage.

It appears that Cupid is improving somewhat. His tummy seems to feel better, although he still isn't eating so great. He gets up and mills around for a few minutes at a time ~ last night he even came in the kitchen and helped me unload the dishwasher!


Anyway, Dr. Dori was awesome. She really eased my mind. I'm doing everything right ~ now it's just a matter of waiting and watching. Hopefully, in a couple more weeks, we will be able to figure out what else is going on with Cupid (besides the insulimoma).

On top of this, Dave got really sick tonight and barfed all over the house. It looked like undigested Duck Soup, so I'm hoping it was just a matter of him overeating. Dave loves to eat.


Ugh --- I am exhausted.

MELTDOWN - PART TWO

I cried myself to sleep last night and I went to work today feeling incredibly bummed out. Cupid ate very little this morning and he went flat a couple of times before retreating into the community hammock under the bed.

I mentioned to a coworker/friend that I was having a hard time and was feeling useless today. Her only response was, "Ooohhh. And we are really busy today." No empathy or sympathy. No, "I'm so sorry" or a small hug. Just, "we're really busy".

Another coworker made the remark (and this one just blew my mind) that "perhaps I should take Cupid back to the lady (meaning the rescue) I got him from". What??????? Really?????

I don't expect anyone to get it. I'd just appreciate a little kindness around this thing. Shit. Just because Cupid is a ferret and not a dog or cat, people think I'm a freak.

Anyway, he is going to the vet tomorrow. I have an appointment for April 13, but I don't think I should wait. He needs to be looked at, pronto. Hopefully, it's not too late to help him. I did some research again today and I am certain he has a cardiomyopathy. Insulinoma, at this point, is the least of my little buddy's problems. I know they can give meds for heart issues in ferrets. It doesn't reverse anything, but at least they feel better. It's all I can hope for.

MELTDOWN

It's midnight. I won't be able to sleep until I put this down. I think it won't be much longer until Cupid goes. He seems worse to me tonight. I get the sense that he is just so tired of fighting. And here I am, doing everything to keep him alive....
How far do I take it?.....I don't know.
Before I put him in his cage tonight I held him and told him it's OK...OK for him to go...that I love him and I will always love him.

It's tearing me apart -- I feel so sad and helpless.

Maybe I'm wrong....God, I hope I'm wrong. But it's a strong feeling.

SPRING PHOTOS & CUPID'S ADVENTURE

Dave gets his Spring Photo done, but, because he is blind, he has a hard time getting the idea about what the heck he's supposed to be doing!! He just cracks me up! I gave him Ferratone and he loves, loves it!

OK, we were a bit more sucessful in the second photo:

Iz dis bettr, Mom?

Yesterday I took Cupid outside to explore the flowerbed. I wish I hadn't cut the top of his head off in this photo, but it's still so cute. He enjoys sniffing around outside, however, we had a Drama Moment when he slipped through a hole in the fence and went into the neighbor's yard!! I called him and he came back to me, thankfully! We won't be doing that again. Must get a playpen for outside romps...Anyway, that was enough excitement, so we came back in the house...

I called the vet this morning because I think Cupid is having an upset tummy. She prescribed some medicine I need to go pick up at the drugstore. He's going to the vet this evening to get his glucose rechecked. I'm thinking I'm going to buy a glucose meter soon, so I can check him at home. Milo is getting his second distemper shot, too. I hate that. I'm such a worrier......

THIS HUMAN NEEDS A NAP

So far, Cupid is still doing better. He ate enough kibble last night to make a dent in his bowl and leave some "floaties" in his water ! He stayed up and played this morning after his meds and soup. God, it is so good to see him play again and look happy. This is a huge relief ! (We love you, Dr. Dori !!) Cupid still occasionally has a very slight cough, but it is nothing compared to how it was. And he is still sleeping a lot, but that is to be expected. Long naps are not unusual for him, anyway, he loves a good snooze...

I have to say that this ordeal has been exhausting, both mentally and physically. I'm putting a lot of energy into taking care of my sick fuzzy and make sure the others get the attention they need, too. I'm not doing much around taking care of myself, though. I need to find some routine and balance before I end up sick, too. As it is, I'm dealing with a couple of my own health issues. Now that Cupid is much better, perhaps I can relax a little and not totally consume myself with worry and fear.

I'm gonna think like a ferret and take a nap !!

SENSEI NIBBLES KIBBLE !

Finally, finally...Cupid ate a little bit of his regular food last night ! I am hesitantly encouraged ! I'm going to try taking his Duck Soup feedings down to twice per day, instead of the three times I've been giving. Perhaps he will be more willing to munch on his dry food.

With the insulinoma, I'm going to have to continue to feed him Duck Soup twice a day with his Prednisone. And because his sleeps so much more and is less active, he probably will never pig out. But he needs to get to a place where he is willing to eat and drink on his own.

Neither one of us is ready to give up...

A BETTER DAY

I've seen an improvement in Cupid over the last day. He started drinking water out of his bowl on his own (EUREKA !!!). He is also up playing some of his favorite games (sack and ball). He seems to be much happier and more comfortable. He's even tolerating baby Milo's pounces and piggy-back rides.

He's taken a couple of tiny bites of his kibble, but I'm still giving him the Duck Soup with Carnivore Care mixed in. This morning he asserted himself and refused to eat the soup, so I don't know if he's finally getting tired of it or he's wanting back on his original schedule. :? I moistened his kibble a little bit before I put him to bed last night and, although it doesn't appear that he touched it, I believe the Lasix has finally started working and he may be on the cusp of getting back to his old self again. (Every night when I put him to bed I say a little prayer that he'll get better!) I'm anxious to get home from work today to see if he ate, and I pray that he did !!

The other five fuzz-guys are just being so sweet with him. They go check on him, cuddle up and sleep with him and groom him. They know their Sensei is feeling bad and it is so moving to see them try to comfort him. (photo below: George is clearly worried about Cupid)

I continue to cherish every moment with Cupid. This is the gift he has given me: Cherish every moment with those I love.....because life is fleeting.